??? & CC (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
immoetality) wrote2012-01-02 10:48 am
immoetality) wrote2012-01-02 10:48 am
all of the words, all of them.
Let's see if I can do this . . .
✔ Lelouch shared a memory about her general relationship with Mao and his promising to grant her wish, even while he risks himself for his own with the power she gave him.
✔ She got a memory of Lelouch strengthening his resolve to do evil and even face Nunnally in pursuit of his goals.
✔ She got a memory of Lelouch being used as bait to draw her out, because Charles wished to possess her. He lost his memories, was observed in minutiae, and then was set to be killed. Also, she got shot in the heart.
✔ She broke down and cried on Dawn, because she seems to have done nothing but cause pain and suffering to others, especially to someone she kind of loves a lot.
✔ She got a bracelet with various memories of her time with Lelouch. He kind of loves her a lot too, and she has the memories to prove it.
Now, C.C. was prepared for a rough road ahead. She knew that she was emotionally withdrawn and tended to pass through people's lives with a certain level of ease, since she was still in the process of invading Lelouch's space in her starter. Still, she doesn't have the same background and motivation to guard herself, nor did she have a good idea of how bad it could get! And it apparently got really, really bad!
C.C. was the reason that Lelouch got set down the path that he did, whether he blames her or not is another issue, but she accepts that she was the first domino to fall. She can't really turn her back on something that she did because she forgot. In a rather pragmatic sense, she had a debt to resolve with Lelouch. He was open and honest with her, he cares deeply for her, and he did not hide that he sort of craved her presence. To him, she is a confidant, an accomplice, and she will fulfill that role as an exchange and a penance for what she did to him in the hopes of having her own wish fulfilled. C.C. even told Lelouch as much, while gliding over her own reasons why.
While she is weak to kindness and affection since she doesn't remember to be on her guard, C.C. does have a certain penchant for exchanges and contracts. (Hello, conveniently transcribed quote: "I like contracts. Unlike friendship or love, you get nothing more and nothing less than what's required.") So, even if she isn't guarding herself, she is maintaining distance from others by setting up and fulfilling various contracts, even if she isn't informing everyone as such. The contract with Lelouch was set in stone before she had much to say about it, but it also comes into play with her relationship with Ruby!
Ruby was also rather sweet to her when she first arrived which was a nice counterpoint to being wary of everyone who already knew her and getting condemned by Suzaku right from the get-go. However, what they would take in return for that kindness wasn't as easy to get a fix on. So, she dithered around for awhile, keeping close and watching the general interaction of the team with that end in mind. I forget what set her off, but it may have happened somewhere in the breakdown with Luke or when she kissed Mukuro on the cheek as he was scaring the shit out of her. Either way, she cemented what the terms of the contract would be while realizing exactly where she fits into the team.
First off, C.C. kept telling Yukio that she acted in order to have people in her debt, so she could call on that action later to get them to do something for her. While it does work like that, the general idea is more fluid than an even exchange of "I did this for you; now, you do this for me". Really, C.C. never asks more of a person than what they are already willing to give, unless she's pushing them for their own benefit. She doesn't like to take; she prefers to receive only. So, a contract balances what Ruby has already given her with what she can do for them. As far as terms go, I did a nice little plurk of it, but to explain the points a touch better:
1. Accept them for being stupid, crazy, selfish, and self-destructive little shits. Because that is what they all are. This flashes back to even before her first game which was a trial by fire in itself, but Yukio was in the hospital and half of the team was injured when C.C. arrived, iirc. Then, the game came along, and Oz was determined to be the better man at the risk of his own life while Mukuro wanted to be the worse man. (C.C. was with Mukuro, though she sided with Oz and Luke in her actions.) Now, C.C. had nothing but a wealth of affection for Ruby at this point, and she wanted to keep everyone from being hurt like any reasonable human being. However, Ruby said lol no, we have morals and self-destructive tendencies, and this was never to be the way of it. So, she took the cue to let them run themselves into the ground as they like; C.C. will simply stay by their side as they do it in whatever way they choose.
2. Everyone must always return to Ruby. If Ruby wants her to always return, then they will have to do the same. While when they come back is negotiable, as long as they have the intention to return and follow through with it, then C.C. can wait for them.
3. While this point hasn't been tempered yet, C.C. needs to keep herself in control. She understands her position with Lelouch as a sort of grounding, and it seems that this has rubbed off on Ruby. For each instance where she keeps herself composed, she has also had another instance of not doing as she thinks she should, though. So, it remains to be seen whether the team needs her to take that sort of position, or if certain people within the team require that of her. Still, this doesn't mean that C.C. will be emotionally available within the team. She supports, looks after, and cares for them, but she isn't given to being forthright with herself or with others as to what she is feeling or experiencing. And this could delve into another tangent, so moving on . . .
So, there are a lot of forces acting within C.C.'s world right now! She is doing her best to preserve a balance within herself and with others, if only because she fears what coming apart at the seams would mean. Once she's finished pursuing all of the beads and charms on her bracelet, C.C. will probably ground herself better in her actions and intentions as she reacts to the events that she witnesses with equal and due gravity. As it is, she will likely not be taking memories with the team for a long time, if at all, because she isn't sure of what could happen with that nor does she wish to betray the confidence that she shares with Lelouch.
Then, AJ and Aviy asked for words, so they get words.
★ Acedia is a punch right in her motherly feelings, goddamn. Really, Acedia and C.C. foil each other very nicely. On the surface, they both prefer to conceal and obscure rather than reveal. When Acedia is on the up and up, half of their conversations are bantering back and forth with the potential to take away meaning from it. They have the same gut reactions in a lot of cases too, but C.C. has the sense to know how and when to approach what she wants, if she even does, while Acedia is infinitely less thoughtful and reserved. So, she can't quite bring herself around to being cross or angry at him. Rather, everyone else, and perhaps himself, will do that for her, so she prefers to keep him company—To accept him even when he is awful, because people are less likely to do that.
At the same time, C.C. knows not to let him take too much. She rose to his taunt once, and she understands that the relationship between them needs be controlled by her, not by him. She has common sense and insight, where he is awkward and haphazard in his thoughts, words, and actions. So, that gives rise to an almost . . . Mother-like instinct! While she hasn't come close to dating herself, and Acedia is pretty old in his own way, she has come out better in her experiences than he in his own, so she becomes the older, wiser female figure. While she doesn't remember it, the kind of relationship that comes from dealing with someone who is "younger" and does not question is something that C.C. takes to very easily. Her way of controlling herself and her relationships pretty much always frames her as very maternal, so that is where she is at with Acedia.
. . . I want words back, AJ.
★ Dawn . . . Dawn is less easily defined. As I've told Aviy before, she does view him as something of a team leader when he chooses to be. Ruby may not have a central figure, but few of them are willing to stand up and tell everyone to sit down and shut up with the ability to make people actually listen. As you cross names of the list, you arrive at Dawn as a psuedo-leader. However, whether he is aware of this or not, Dawn doesn't take advantage of that particular ability, so C.C. has no qualms with him trying to bring everyone to a middle-ground and will even support him when it becomes necessary.
As a person, Dawn is less open and easy to land a point with. While C.C. could figure out most everyone on the team after that game, Dawn was still something of a mystery and continues to be. Yet he got to deal with her having an episode! Really, she took that memory with him while he was in that condition, because it seemed like a safe bet since he didn't have a mind of his own. Still, he came back and asked about it after she had taken a rough memory. The stars further aligned as they had the Mao and Van discussion, which was always going to go over well, and did in her last shred of emotional suppression. Where C.C. can route and re-direct Acedia as she lets him, Dawn is much harder to shake off. He would like to undo walls that she built and is in the process of building in what would seem like a healthy move, but could potentially crush her as she still has a very lengthy list of horrible shit that happened in her life. Whether she allows him to continue or she kicks him in the teeth with a strong rebuke to knock it off remains to be seen, but C.C. is definitely on her toes around Dawn.
And that was a metric fuck-ton of words, but if you have questions or comments, then have at! I could probably go for another couple thousand words.
✔ Lelouch shared a memory about her general relationship with Mao and his promising to grant her wish, even while he risks himself for his own with the power she gave him.
✔ She got a memory of Lelouch strengthening his resolve to do evil and even face Nunnally in pursuit of his goals.
✔ She got a memory of Lelouch being used as bait to draw her out, because Charles wished to possess her. He lost his memories, was observed in minutiae, and then was set to be killed. Also, she got shot in the heart.
✔ She broke down and cried on Dawn, because she seems to have done nothing but cause pain and suffering to others, especially to someone she kind of loves a lot.
✔ She got a bracelet with various memories of her time with Lelouch. He kind of loves her a lot too, and she has the memories to prove it.
Now, C.C. was prepared for a rough road ahead. She knew that she was emotionally withdrawn and tended to pass through people's lives with a certain level of ease, since she was still in the process of invading Lelouch's space in her starter. Still, she doesn't have the same background and motivation to guard herself, nor did she have a good idea of how bad it could get! And it apparently got really, really bad!
C.C. was the reason that Lelouch got set down the path that he did, whether he blames her or not is another issue, but she accepts that she was the first domino to fall. She can't really turn her back on something that she did because she forgot. In a rather pragmatic sense, she had a debt to resolve with Lelouch. He was open and honest with her, he cares deeply for her, and he did not hide that he sort of craved her presence. To him, she is a confidant, an accomplice, and she will fulfill that role as an exchange and a penance for what she did to him in the hopes of having her own wish fulfilled. C.C. even told Lelouch as much, while gliding over her own reasons why.
While she is weak to kindness and affection since she doesn't remember to be on her guard, C.C. does have a certain penchant for exchanges and contracts. (Hello, conveniently transcribed quote: "I like contracts. Unlike friendship or love, you get nothing more and nothing less than what's required.") So, even if she isn't guarding herself, she is maintaining distance from others by setting up and fulfilling various contracts, even if she isn't informing everyone as such. The contract with Lelouch was set in stone before she had much to say about it, but it also comes into play with her relationship with Ruby!
Ruby was also rather sweet to her when she first arrived which was a nice counterpoint to being wary of everyone who already knew her and getting condemned by Suzaku right from the get-go. However, what they would take in return for that kindness wasn't as easy to get a fix on. So, she dithered around for awhile, keeping close and watching the general interaction of the team with that end in mind. I forget what set her off, but it may have happened somewhere in the breakdown with Luke or when she kissed Mukuro on the cheek as he was scaring the shit out of her. Either way, she cemented what the terms of the contract would be while realizing exactly where she fits into the team.
First off, C.C. kept telling Yukio that she acted in order to have people in her debt, so she could call on that action later to get them to do something for her. While it does work like that, the general idea is more fluid than an even exchange of "I did this for you; now, you do this for me". Really, C.C. never asks more of a person than what they are already willing to give, unless she's pushing them for their own benefit. She doesn't like to take; she prefers to receive only. So, a contract balances what Ruby has already given her with what she can do for them. As far as terms go, I did a nice little plurk of it, but to explain the points a touch better:
1. Accept them for being stupid, crazy, selfish, and self-destructive little shits. Because that is what they all are. This flashes back to even before her first game which was a trial by fire in itself, but Yukio was in the hospital and half of the team was injured when C.C. arrived, iirc. Then, the game came along, and Oz was determined to be the better man at the risk of his own life while Mukuro wanted to be the worse man. (C.C. was with Mukuro, though she sided with Oz and Luke in her actions.) Now, C.C. had nothing but a wealth of affection for Ruby at this point, and she wanted to keep everyone from being hurt like any reasonable human being. However, Ruby said lol no, we have morals and self-destructive tendencies, and this was never to be the way of it. So, she took the cue to let them run themselves into the ground as they like; C.C. will simply stay by their side as they do it in whatever way they choose.
2. Everyone must always return to Ruby. If Ruby wants her to always return, then they will have to do the same. While when they come back is negotiable, as long as they have the intention to return and follow through with it, then C.C. can wait for them.
3. While this point hasn't been tempered yet, C.C. needs to keep herself in control. She understands her position with Lelouch as a sort of grounding, and it seems that this has rubbed off on Ruby. For each instance where she keeps herself composed, she has also had another instance of not doing as she thinks she should, though. So, it remains to be seen whether the team needs her to take that sort of position, or if certain people within the team require that of her. Still, this doesn't mean that C.C. will be emotionally available within the team. She supports, looks after, and cares for them, but she isn't given to being forthright with herself or with others as to what she is feeling or experiencing. And this could delve into another tangent, so moving on . . .
So, there are a lot of forces acting within C.C.'s world right now! She is doing her best to preserve a balance within herself and with others, if only because she fears what coming apart at the seams would mean. Once she's finished pursuing all of the beads and charms on her bracelet, C.C. will probably ground herself better in her actions and intentions as she reacts to the events that she witnesses with equal and due gravity. As it is, she will likely not be taking memories with the team for a long time, if at all, because she isn't sure of what could happen with that nor does she wish to betray the confidence that she shares with Lelouch.
Then, AJ and Aviy asked for words, so they get words.
★ Acedia is a punch right in her motherly feelings, goddamn. Really, Acedia and C.C. foil each other very nicely. On the surface, they both prefer to conceal and obscure rather than reveal. When Acedia is on the up and up, half of their conversations are bantering back and forth with the potential to take away meaning from it. They have the same gut reactions in a lot of cases too, but C.C. has the sense to know how and when to approach what she wants, if she even does, while Acedia is infinitely less thoughtful and reserved. So, she can't quite bring herself around to being cross or angry at him. Rather, everyone else, and perhaps himself, will do that for her, so she prefers to keep him company—To accept him even when he is awful, because people are less likely to do that.
At the same time, C.C. knows not to let him take too much. She rose to his taunt once, and she understands that the relationship between them needs be controlled by her, not by him. She has common sense and insight, where he is awkward and haphazard in his thoughts, words, and actions. So, that gives rise to an almost . . . Mother-like instinct! While she hasn't come close to dating herself, and Acedia is pretty old in his own way, she has come out better in her experiences than he in his own, so she becomes the older, wiser female figure. While she doesn't remember it, the kind of relationship that comes from dealing with someone who is "younger" and does not question is something that C.C. takes to very easily. Her way of controlling herself and her relationships pretty much always frames her as very maternal, so that is where she is at with Acedia.
. . . I want words back, AJ.
★ Dawn . . . Dawn is less easily defined. As I've told Aviy before, she does view him as something of a team leader when he chooses to be. Ruby may not have a central figure, but few of them are willing to stand up and tell everyone to sit down and shut up with the ability to make people actually listen. As you cross names of the list, you arrive at Dawn as a psuedo-leader. However, whether he is aware of this or not, Dawn doesn't take advantage of that particular ability, so C.C. has no qualms with him trying to bring everyone to a middle-ground and will even support him when it becomes necessary.
As a person, Dawn is less open and easy to land a point with. While C.C. could figure out most everyone on the team after that game, Dawn was still something of a mystery and continues to be. Yet he got to deal with her having an episode! Really, she took that memory with him while he was in that condition, because it seemed like a safe bet since he didn't have a mind of his own. Still, he came back and asked about it after she had taken a rough memory. The stars further aligned as they had the Mao and Van discussion, which was always going to go over well, and did in her last shred of emotional suppression. Where C.C. can route and re-direct Acedia as she lets him, Dawn is much harder to shake off. He would like to undo walls that she built and is in the process of building in what would seem like a healthy move, but could potentially crush her as she still has a very lengthy list of horrible shit that happened in her life. Whether she allows him to continue or she kicks him in the teeth with a strong rebuke to knock it off remains to be seen, but C.C. is definitely on her toes around Dawn.
And that was a metric fuck-ton of words, but if you have questions or comments, then have at! I could probably go for another couple thousand words.